Okay so I haven’t updated this is forever. Omg though So I went back to Hilton head on my own. And I became like close with Scarlett and David and everything. And so these last few weeks I have been with David all day long and I even snuck over and hangout with him at night. So I’ve developed this insanely huge crush on him and now hes going back to Philly and I am debating whether I should stay second semester there or here at atlee. I don’t want anyone else and I honestly love David more then I did dillon in just two weeks. He means the world to me and we both balled our eyes out the last day. That was the first time he had cried in 5 years. And ALSO he asked me to his senior prom, that is insane. I have to see him soon, I’ve been like so upset these past few days because I miss him so much. ah I’m in love I’m in love and I don’t care who knows it!! Jk I know I shouldn’t be getting my hopes up, I’m trying to keep chill and relax but I like him so much. Ah so we will see what happens
Dear diary,
I’m heading back to Hilton head once again, but this time, without my sister. So many thoughts are going through my head like how am I going to do this by myself? Who will I have to vent to about the day who will I have to laugh with when it gets rough…who is going to help me with my school? It’s just like overwhelming to even think about, I don’t know what I will do. I guess just take things one day at a time is all I can do, but stillllll.
So coke carter…..he’s like my big brother in a way, but I don’t look at him the same as Micah. Ever since I found out he might like me which was like a month ago, its stayed like in the back of my mind. Well things it serious when I came back. Cole has been depressed because he wants a girl friend so bad and he tells madeline that he likes me a lot and stuff and he’s really attracted to me too, but he doesn’t know why. He says he looks at me and feels protective over me as if I were his own. I like the idea of it, and honestly I find cole attractive and I can see us in the future possibly dating but madelines right I would get so much crap for it and stuff especially as a freshmen and itd be a huge step for cole to take considering how his other relationships have been and from a physical standpoint hed be like just allowed to like hug me or something ha if we dated now cause I don’t even know how mom and dad would react ?? And ALSO, he barely knows me…like I know what madeline is saying how when she couldn’t really be herself around Micah and she used to wonder why he even liked her…well I can be myself around him but it’s weird cause every time I try to talk to him he like clams up and doesn’t wanna talk… Ah so this whole thing is pretty complicated. But I’m about to get on the train soooo peace out 804 ✌☺
→ 22 Nov 11 at 8 pm
Wish I could explain what I’m feeling right now. I ‘broke up’ with dillon. He’s so upset…. i have no idea what to do. I love him. so muchhh. I don’t have any feelings towards any other guys, but Micah and Madeline are saying this is what is best for us. I don’t know who to listen to!!!! When I’m talking to micah I feel like it’s the right thing to do, but when I’m talking to dillon i feel the complete opposite. nobody understands. madeline is being a @#$%& to me lately, i feel like nobody is here for me anymore. Like dillon was the only person that I really cared about, and he cared about me. but no, now he’s gone. I miss my parents and usually when I feel this way I either cry or wanna go shopping. But no, both of those are worthless options because there’s no point in crying and feeling bad for myself because nobody is here to listen, and nobody really cares. and shopping… russ won’t take me. I feel like I’m just living life day by day, like I have no clue what is going to happen in my future. it’s some huge mystery to me, i don’t know if i’ll ever be over dillon, even though we are completely wrong for eachother. and i don’t know if i’ll ever become a thing in tennis… or if this is all for nothing. i don’t know if i’ll ever be able to make the christian friends that i need in my life.. to keep me going. my future is just some chance… like i feel like nobody is here to guide me along and help me make the right decisions. obviously my parents are, but i could never just tell them my past and my mistakes and expect them to understand and then give me advice. and micah is dating madeline, and to be honest they don’t set that great of an example for me. i feel broken.
[Flash 10 is required to watch video]
Each day brings new beginnings I can choose to take the road of life Please open up my eyes, dear Lord Help, Lord, to just say “no” When my teenage years are over
Decisions I must make
I am the only one to choose
The road that I will take
That leads to great success
Or travel down the darkened road
That leads to great distress
That I might clearly see
Help me stand for what is right
Bring out the best in me
When temptation comes my way
That I might keep my body clean
And fit for life each day
I know that I will see
That life is lived its very best
With you walking next to me
